When the AC came on

I live in a condo
a big box of concrete
and glass
in the sky

Every year, summer’s begin
there’s the time
in-between
when the heat is off
and the AC too

too hot

Yesterday I stood
in the kitchen
alone
felt finally the coolness overtake me
with relief

then realization
there was no sound
realization

10 years to the day
He’d thrown himself from our balcony
34th floor
I found his note in the bedroom
“Julia, there’s nothing for me
in this world
anymore

i’m sorry”

I stood
in the kitchen
alone
and heard his scream
behind the glass of the door
to the world outside
and our potted plants on concrete

the coolness passed
but my chill’s remained
today the AC came on
already my coldness

3 AM

fourteen years
suffering
blood you drank from me

the agony and the ecstasy
the hope
longing
addiction

you used me
cast me aside
and the worst part was
that I let you

some nights I wake with a start
in the middle of black everything
my room cold and empty
like the place your heart would be

but in those frightening moments
dust
muffled city noise
darkness
emptiness

I am never as alone
as I ever was
with you

In the Shower

We made love in the shower every morning

I loved the feeling of the hot water pouring down
His strong hands touching me
Caressing me
Holding me
Pushing my body against the tile of the wall

But then there was the accident
And so quickly he was gone
I cried every morning since
The salt of my tears mixing with the cold water
Disappearing down the drain
Forever

This morning I felt his presence behind the curtain with me
His invisible hands touching me
Grabbing me
Gripping me
I threw back my head and moaned

It was when I felt his hands around my throat
That my moans turned to choking screams
I realized he was back
Not because I missed him
But because he missed me

Reflection

Yesterday I awoke
To find my reflection in the mirror
twisted
bloated
disfigured
monstrous

I feared the worst
but no one noticed
not one on the train
nor the drones at work
not even my wife
only I could see

Now each morning
I awake to find myself
the same abomination
or worse

With every lie I tell
each person I hurt
My face grows more horrible
disgusting
repugnant
inhuman

What I fear most now
is not the face in the mirror
but the knowing
that one day I’ll awake
and find
that everyone else
can see it too

Went the Chainsaw

ruhn ruhnnnnn went the chainsaw
out of its cardboard box brand new
with a wicked smile I made it roar
and cut my dog in two

reeean reeeeeeean went the chainsaw
said the girl, “I’m young to die”
“so unfair,” I laughed, in streams of blood
as i carved into her side

raaaawr rawwwr went the chainsaw
“I have a family!” the man begged
“I know,” I screamed maniacally
“and you’ll join them when you’re dead!”

reeeee reeeeeee went the chainsaw
in the mirror all alone
“why?” I asked my reflection
he said “you’ve always known”

ruuhn ruhhhnnnnn went the chainsaw
and I…. reeeeeee raaaarrrr ruuuuuuuu
RAAAOAORRRRR REEEEEEEEEEE
tut-tut-tut-tut-tut-tut-tut-

The Last Sunset

Take my hand little girl 
Let’s watch the sun set 
And the fires burn 
Come bask in the warm glow 
of the unfolding Apocalypse 

All your friends are dead 
And your possessions gone 
No more fun and no more funds 
Everything burning now 
Beneath an exploding sun 

Take my hand little girl 
Smile and flick your crimson locks 
Relent as I pull you into the fire 
Revel in our immolation 
And the meaninglessness 
Of it all 

Up the Hill

jack and jill
went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
jack said “hey jill,
would you like a thrill?”
and then he tried to grab her

jill got mad
she knew that was bad
and hit jack with the pail
jack fell down
and broke his crown
and jill begain to wail

“jack is dead,”
through tears jill said
“but I didn’t mean to murder.
curse this hill,
and jack’s seeking thrills”
and the darkness of the well heard her

jack and jill
went up a hill
to fetch a pail of water
now jack lays slain
jill cured her pain
in the depths of the dark well after

Our True Colors

Green she must have been with envy
of the other girls who were free,
to show how yellow she was
by hiding her betrayal.

I felt so blue
when toward me she was cold,
but saw red
when I learned the truth.

White was the glint of the knife,
and the color of her skin
when the blood had drained out
and black my heart
when I hid away what was left

Now she is gone
because of me
and my whole world
is gray

You Belong To Me

You belong to me, he said, when we met at the wedding that night.
You belong to me, he said, when we watched the sun rise.
You belong to me, he said, when he called me the next month.
You belong to me, he said, when we kissed out on the pier.
You belong to me, he said, when we went back to his house.
You belong to me, he said, when we woke up the next day.

But we belong together, he said, when all the days had passed.
But we belong together, he said, when I told him not call.
But we belong together, he said, when he showed up at my door.
But we belong together, he said, when he fought his way inside.
But we belong together, he said, when in the kitchen I screamed.
But we belong together, he said, when he did that thing to me.

You’re mine now, I said, when I got up from the floor.
You’re mine now, I said, when the hate burned in my chest.
You’re mine now, I said, when I got into the car.
You’re mine now, I said, when I showed up at his door.
You’re mine now, I said, when I embraced him on the porch.
You’re mine now, I said, when the knife went in his back.