If I asked most people they’d think it’s degrading, depraved, twisted. They’d never understand how it’s only in feeling subjugated that I am empowered, it’s only in surrendering control that I truly gain it.
Pleasure and pain are not opposites, just different expressions of the same thing. The spectrum of human feeling isn’t a line; it’s a ring, like the one I wear on the chain around my neck – a circle, and those two sensations sit at the ends.
Kyle is riled up tonight, more than he has been for some time. It turns me on and I’m excited about what we’re going to act out.
You want me to tie you up, you deserve to be tied up because you’ve been a bad girl?
Yes Daddy, please time me up, tie me up because I’ve been a bad girl.
Kyle pulls the rope tight, too tight. Tighter than he should.
Ouch, Daddy you tie me too tight. Kyle, you’re hurting me. Banana! Kyle, banana! Stop. Kyle, what are you doing?
I can’t move or turn around. He pulls the rope tighter still, burning me, binding me to the bedframe. I struggle. Kyle, please stop! I sob. What are you doing? Please! Banana! Banana!
I hear him leave the room and I struggle with the ropes, sobbing. Then he’s back, his voice behind me again.
Did you think I’d never find out? he says, his words cold and dead. I found out. I found out about him.
Kyle, baby, please don’t hurt me! I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! Please don’t hurt me!
I hear him pull the ripcord, and the sound of the chainsaw.